The 24/7 confinement of the whole family in one place can be an opportunity for growth or a source of conflict. A psychologist and university professor offers insights on coping during the lockdown.
The new paradigm of sharing the same space 24/7 with the whole family can be transformed into a tremendous opportunity for growth, as well as a source of conflict. Whatever the setting, it is a challenge of putting things into perspective.
The multiplicity of simultaneous roles by parents carries a different emotional charge than usual. This is why we must consider new preventive mental health practices, especially in caring for our children.
Children need certainty to feel safe. Regardless of the chaos that may occur in the world, adults are responsible for what happens inside our home. Routines are of great help to our children; they help create more predictable environments, which translates into a feeling of security and peace. Having regular routines—and having parents adhere to these—helps establish a sense of security.
Protective factors:
A fundamental aspect is that minors must know what to expect each day, avoiding improvisations and surprises. Here are some practical suggestions:
Organize a balanced daily routine
Consider times to get up, to eat, for recreation, to do homework, etc.
For this we must bear in mind that the optimal functioning of the brain occurs between 9 and 12 hours, therefore, we should privilege the first hours of the day for children to carry out their duties, especially academic ones. In this way, we optimize their performance and we also train them with discipline, in the sense that behaviorally we are teaching them that “duty” comes before “pleasure.”
Regarding academics, it is advisable to enable a specific physical space and once the study day is finished, put study materials back in order. It is also necessary to keep in mind that reading together, doing crafts, and playing can also be instances of learning. Given the above, the optimum is to include in the routine physical, artistic, recreational and spiritual activities feasible to carry out within the home, and which are achievable by children, keeping in mind that “it is not for them to look, but for them to do.” (In other words, guide children in their activities, but allow them the joy of doing and completing!)
Make sure the routine is coherent and agreed
Within the routine, there must be an established order for things to happen. For example, after eating breakfast, the child should get dressed. After dinner, he prepares to go to sleep.
Try to incorporate rules of cooperation in which all members of the household feel represented.
It is also important to create support and containment spaces that allow emotions to be expressed. Remember that children often react differently than adults, so it is advisable to listen to their explanations. Adults should try to be coherent and consistent with these measures, although with the proper balance, and not becoming rigid. There must be a certain degree of flexibility to adapt to possible changes. The goal is to convey a general sense of order.
Recommendations for emotionally directing children
Keep calm, as children can sense our anxieties. Our own peace of mind will allow us to make more assertive decisions to better respond to their needs and thus feel more secure.
In case you identify any strange behavior in the child, do not pretend that nothing is going on. Children can perceive our tension, therefore, they are able to detect that something may be happening. Explain the situation to them with simple words and avoiding unnecessary details that could distress them more.
Accompany the child, since the closeness of their significant ties and physical contact gives them security and comforts them.
Children, especially younger children, do not know how to express what they feel, so it is advisable to help them through artistic, playful activities, and even by reading a story from the Bible.
Interact with the children, carry out positive activities such as games, drawings, songs and prayers. Avoid at all costs that they see distressing images or listen to aggressive or tragic music.
Appropriate messages that we could convey to children
"Easy, this situation is transitory, and it will happen ..."
"... It is preferable to stay at home, we do this not only for ourselves, but we also do it to care for our grandparents."
"We must fully trust GOD ... He has promised in his word that he will accompany us, even in the most difficult trials."
In this way, we can also generate or strengthen a social conscience, oriented to the common good. All this must be explained in a language and level of depth appropriate to the age of each child, considering that at a younger age their thinking will be more concrete and not as conceptual as in older children and adults.
This article was originally published on the South American Division’s Portuguese news site
